


Grow As We Go

by Sour_grape_Snape



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-13 16:31:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18035159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sour_grape_Snape/pseuds/Sour_grape_Snape
Summary: At least Remus is alive. At least he knows now that I didn’t betray him. Maybe he’ll even mourn for me.At that thought, Sirius closed his eyes and awaited the inevitable, ignoring the tear that slid off of his chin.





	Grow As We Go

**Author's Note:**

> I took a bit of artistic license, aka we are all going to politely pretend that Sirius' de-souling is taking place at noon the day after The Werewolf Incident.

Sirius' heart was pounding in fear as he sat bound to the chair, awaiting the moment that the door was going to burst open and bring with it the loss of his soul. Sweat coated his skin and he couldn’t stop shivering uncontrollably, body still in a state of panic from his earlier run in with the dementors. 

He remembered the countless times he could hear other prisoners screaming and begging as they were dragged off to have the kiss performed. Sirius had always felt a sense of abject horror when he realized what he was hearing, but at the same time, he’d felt a small sense of relief.

Thank God it isn’t me, he’d thought.

He couldn’t imagine a worse fate. Death was a blessing in comparison; simply fading away to a place where nothing mattered. But to lose one’s soul? The thing that made you you? Sirius had always been proud of who he was. Proud of the fact that he wasn’t like the rest of his family, that he was good, that he wasn’t going to end up miserable or alone or in jail for commiting unspeakable crimes.

And look where that pride hat gotten him. He’d be laughing at the irony of the current situation if he weren’t terrified out of his wits. 

But what overpowered his fear was his fury. Fury at the fact that that traitorous rat had gotten away a second time. That once again, he had to pay the price for Peter's actions. Peter, who’d once been his friend. Peter, whom he'd defended from bullies for years, whom he’d helped with Transfiguration. Peter, who’d been the first person to tell him that maybe it was okay he loved Remus. 

It was like it had all meant nothing.  
All of those years of friendship and brotherhood had died along with Lily and James on Halloween in October of 1981. Next time, he hoped, Remus wouldn’t hesitate to make Peter pay.

At least Remus is alive. At least he knows now that I didn’t betray him. Maybe he’ll even mourn for me.

At that thought, Sirius closed his eyes and awaited the inevitable, ignoring the tear that slid off of his chin.

\---

Sirius jerked awake as the heavy door to Flitwick's office suddenly slammed shut. His eyes frantically searched for the source of the noise, heart speeding up once again. 

Oh God oh God oh God-

But the fear he felt quickly turned to a sense of relief and confusion when he realized that it wasn’t a dementor that had entered the room. It was Remus.  
Objectively, he probably looked like complete shit with it being the day after a full moon but to Sirius, he was the most beautiful person in the entire world right now.

“Remus,” he gasped.

Remus' face contorted in pain as he took in the scene. 

“What are you doing here? What about Snape? If anyone sees you-“ 

“Shh. It’s okay, Sirius. I took care of Snape for now, but we have to get out of here fast, alright?” Remus urged, hands already working on unbinding him.

“No, wait. Remus, you have to leave. If they find you here, they’ll take you too!” 

Remus glared at him in fury.

“I’m not leaving you here to die, you arsehole. Quit trying to be brave and get a move on-“

“I’m not joking. The dementors will find me, no matter where I go. You don’t owe anything to me. I can’t watch you throw your life away for me, Remy.”

Sirius looked at him desperately, willing him to just go.  
Just go. I can’t watch you die, too. 

Remus grasped his hand and pulled him to his feet. Sirius took a step back.

“We don’t have time for this!” Remus shouted. 

“We fucking well do! I’m not letting you do this out of some misplaced sense of guilt! You. Don’t. Owe. Me.”

“Guilt? You think I’m doing this out of guilt?” he asked, incredulous.

Sirius was starting to feel unsure.

“I mean…why else?” he asked, unable to meet Remus’ eyes.

“You sure are one daft twit, Sirius,” he started, voice cracking slightly.  
“I’m doing this because you’re my friend, because I can’t lose you, too… because… I love you,” he said simply, eyes glistening.

Sirius couldn’t breathe.

Remus loved him? 

“You…you love me? After everything that happened? After 12 years apart?” he asked in awe.

Remus’ face went right back to incredulous.  
“Of course I do, you idiot.”

Sirius was startled to realize that he was crying. When had he started crying? He wiped at his eyes, face splitting into a grin.

Remus loves me.

“But I don’t… how… why-?”

Remus took a step closer and raised his hand to Sirius’ cheek, swiping at the tears with his thumb. He had a fond look on his face and Sirius couldn’t comprehend how anyone could ever look at him that way.

“I have always loved you. No matter how much time passed, no matter all the things I told myself, no matter the hurt that you caused me. I have always loved you, Sirius Black, and I will never regret it.”

Sirius leant his forehead against Remus’, grasping at his face desperately. 

“I love you, too, Remus Lupin."

Remus gave a watery little smile and then suddenly shook himself.

“As much as I’d like to continue this conversation, we need to get the hell out of here,” he said.

Sirius let himself be dragged along in Remus’ wake.

“Where will we go?” he asked.

“I have no fucking clue. But I don’t care, not as long as I have you.”

“That’s specific.”

“Shut up, Sirius.”  
\---

**Author's Note:**

> Why, writer's block, why? I'll probably try and rewrite this into more high quality garbage once I'm back to normal. 
> 
> I'm sorry.


End file.
